A wax hand

Somehow a year is now 5 days. I’d be lying if I told you I am not shaking in my boots but there are still lessons to be learned and stories to be told. I find myself in tears because the finish line for Guatemala is near but He is making it clear- it isn’t finished QUITE yet. After almost a year of blogging you probably know me well enough to know that I always have a new jam (or 6). There is always that one that stays on repeat, literally for at least 2 weeks, usually more. July 3^rd I came across the artist, Zachary Kale while creating a playlist for our weekend July 4th adventure to Semuc Champey (about 9 hours from my home here). Guess what? I already shared the playlist contents… Zachary Kale, Zachary Kale and you know the rest. Enjoy. For ALL 9 hours… I had two songs on repeat…. Isaiah 61 and To Know You (Jesus Messiah). I’m not kidding. (Start your download now.) Curiosity was killing, my Bible was missing and having no wifi for 3 days wasn’t helping- all I wanted to know WHAT IN THE WORLD Isaiah 61 says… I just wanted to read it to understand WHY this song was so good. The hostel we stayed in was absolutely BREATHTAKING and surround by creation but the LAST place you’d find a Bible. Oh well Shel, you can read it when we get back Monday. 

But first, Sunday’s adventures were sure to satisfy and challenge. We spent the day hiking (my favorite) swimming in these incredible natural pools, jumping off rocks, sliding down rocks, jumping off a bridge, tubing down a river and swimming through BAT CAVES for 3 hours. Let’s talk about that last piece of nonsense. Before we entered the caves, we were given a normal size candle, that’s it, not even a piece of cardboard to block the wax. Our guide lite my candle and I was to pass the flame to the rest of the group behind me. There we went…into the unknown, dark, deep caves. I mean y’all, I have never seen this kinda dark before. Let me take you there for a second. Neck deep in cold murky water, too scared to let your feet kick a rock or touch the ground if there is one, paddling with one hand and holding your burning candle with the other, all while only being able to see the little space that your candle was lighting in the large cave. All other challenges seemed small compared to the challenge of the candle. If the candle gets wet, your light is no more and not to mention with a wet wick, you’ve got yourself a situation. So I started out guarding my little light like it was my pride and joy but I was struggling to keep it above water. I could not stop wondering what was ahead, what it looked like, was it going to be deep water, was a bat going to come down and suck my blood, were there going to be waterfalls or rapids, where was I going to come out, what if everyone drops their light. The wonder turned into wander. “I am sick holding the light. My arms are tired. I don’t need the light. I am bold and fearless. I can just swim on, I am too anxious to see what is ahead.” So, I baptized my candle, stuck it in my bathing suit and swam ahead. I may have been ahead but I couldn’t see a single thing and this wasn’t the kind of light that your eyes gets used to, I learned that real quick. I found myself swimming back to the guide TIME and TIME again to blow on the wick and relight my candle, at least 10 times. I would get sick of holding the light, think I didn’t need it and so curious as too what was ahead that I got into the habit of just putting my candle into the water without thinking about it.

Friends, the Truth here is that our Savior is the Light. We need Him every hour. He is going to light the only area that He wants us to see. All else is not for our eyes now but for later. He knows exactly what is ahead, how we will get there and what we need to get there. ALL we need is Him, the Light. Let us not be so consumed with even the next step ahead that we think for ONE second that we do not need the Light. I promise you that your future will be truly bright if it is lit with Him. Your future will be a lot brighter with the Light than it would be without any light at all. Carry the Light of the world... I mean what an honor! We should desire and joyfully carry it. We must stay focused on the Light. The Grace here is that when Satan gets ahold of us and convinces us that the light is not enough, it is not bright, we do not need it to see our future, our Savior will be there to dry the wick and relight the candle TIME AND TIME again. However, let us not take advantage of that unfailing Grace by realizing that there is NOTHING greater and brighter than the truth that He is the Light, the only thing we need. Who said you can’t find joy in bat caves?

Monday morning (July 7^th) rolled in, we spent it lying in the infinity pool with little green knolls surrounding us… and began our 9 hour drive back to Antigua. Of course, still listening to the same two songs. I could not wait to get home. Our driver drove like a bat out of hhhhumm… a cave and hello, I just HAD to know what Isaiah 61 had to offer. ABSOLUTE GOLD.

 

 The Year of the Lord’s Favor

61 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.
⁵ Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
    foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
⁶ And you will be called priests of the Lord,
    you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
    and in their riches you will boast.

⁷ Instead of your shame
    you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
    you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
    and everlasting joy will be yours.

⁸ “For I, the Lord, love justice;
    I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
    and make an everlasting covenant with them.
⁹ Their descendants will be known among the nations
    and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
    that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”

¹⁰ I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹ For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.

Over a week later and I am still just breaking the chapter down, in awe of how fitting it is. I keep trying to go ahead, to the worries of tomorrow and the fear of 5 days from now when I am on the plane to start a new adventure. But wait, the Light is here. The Light is now. He is here. He is in my today and needs me all here, in Him, in today not tomorrow. Isaiah 61 is reminding me of the year I have had. Verse 11 just lets me know that I have done the job He sent me here to do, and He will do the rest, making righteousness and praise spring up before ALL nations, not just Guatemala. He has anointed YOU to proclaim the good news, whatever street, neighborhood, city, state, country that may be… JUST SAY YES, and LET YOUR CANDLE BURN BRIGHT and BE ALL IN TODAY.

When I said I don’t think He is finished, I wasn’t kidding. Friday is my last day with Dr. Torres (the Gastroenterologist). After 10 months of working as his nurse, I had a “first” that past Monday. At the time it was just another patient, this particular one was 59 years old (he said “Yo pienso”/”I think”), from Santa Maria de Jesus (where our 1^st and 2nd Sole Train stopped) and said he was feeling great but recently notice loss of appetite. Preface- We take a biopsy on every patient which is then sent off for lab testing. As long as I have been working, we have found plenty questionable areas during Endoscopies and Colonoscopies but nothing that we could say for sure to unless we see results. We began the endoscopy on Mr. 59 yr. old Francisco and within seconds, a sight I had not yet seen took over the screen. Not to make light of the situation but I thought he had not followed instructions and eaten beans, corn and rice after 12 the night before. It was cancer. It was obvious once I looked closer. It was everywhere. It had taken over. The procedure had just begun and all I could do was pray over Mr. Francisco to the One who can heal and the One who gives and takes away. We all know someone who has been diagnosed with cancer and I HATE IT. Deda, my hero and grandfather passed away in a battle against this horrible disease but I don’t believe he lost for he is with Jesus now. The lesson here is that we serve a God that is SO much bigger than cancer. Cancer NEVER wins, live or die, The Lord does. My prayer is that Mr. Francisco knows the Lord, therefore no matter if he lives or dies, with Jesus, he has won! Amen? Will you pray for Mr. Francisco with me?

Nothing like squeezing in one last little Sole Train before I return to the States. I was not sure exactly how many pairs we had left but I knew it was enough to make a difference; after all ONE pair makes a difference. Carlos (our new pur[SHOE]ing joy employee) was adamant to make this happen. He did and we gave out every LAST pair (over 600 pair) to completely EMPTY the boxes from the first shipment. I think God knows I haven’t full grasped what He is capable of so He just keeps on keeping on, proof after proof, promise after promise. Think about is this way: over 600 people received the gift of the Gospel through your generous gift of shoes. With those two things, I think they can conquer the world starting with an education or job. That is big time, people. Great work. Thank you for being available, willing, generous and faithful. It challenges and inspires me.

He isn’t finished with me here in Guatemala yet. I find confident peace in that. He isn’t finished with you yet either. Go confidently through this day with your candle lit, wax hand and all- I promise you will find peace there.

Covered in wax and joy,

SA

Catch flame and go wild, world!

            In attempt to think about anything BUT the fact that I only have a month and a half left here, I’ll go back where it all started (but in a way I am just now realizing) and the things that had to happen before Guatemala ever became an opportunity.
            2 Timothy is a letter from Paul that begins with him recognizing that he is an apostle according to the will of God- not man. He had a role to play in God’s plan- to be a unique ambassador for God to the world.
           Before you read another sentence, KNOW that YOU TOO have a role to play in God’s plan, according to God’s will, not your teacher’s, not your boss’, not your parents, not your pastor’s, not your friend’s, your boyfriend’s, your husband’s, only God’s will, God’s plan. Whatever that plan is, God wants you to walk confidently and boldly in that plan. I will tell you now, that plan is bigger than you know. I like to think of it as a fire, a good one, that never goes out, that cannot be tamed, that started the day you asked Jesus into your heart.
           Paul begins reminding Timothy that having a spirit of boldness is important, it matters. Timothy was talented but a bit timid in playing his role for the Lord. Paul says in 2 Tim. 1:16, “For this reason, I am reminding you to fan into flames the gift of God that is within you through the laying on of my hands.” Fan the flame, stir it up, keep ablaze, chase, and be bold with God’s gift in you. A fire left alone is a fire that dies.
           Believe it or not, I have been a Timothy a time or twelve in my life, especially when it comes to recognizing and stirring up my gifts. But it takes a Paul in your life to make you jump out in boldness for a God who is SO worth it. It takes a Paul to build another Paul. It takes a spark to start a fire. It takes a fanner to keep that fire going. Sadly let’s think of a physical fire in a forest for a second. Once one tree catches fire, the one next to it catches, and the next one catches and the next think we know, Fox5 news is talking about the largest forest fire in history. Joyfully, let’s think about a spiritual fire. When one person catches flame, their friend is likely too as well. And Verse 7 just fires me up (so punny), “For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and a sound mind.”
            I want to report a fire. A spiritual one. A fire that started with a spark in someone else years ago that I do not even know, caught flame in a sweet friend of mine, traveled to me, and has been fanned with a lot of time in the Word, encouragers, questions, people like Paul, believers, the hardest days of my life, the best days of my life, challenges and even fanned with those who thought I was absolutely crazy. My Paul is Mrs. Tanszy Bailey. She means so much more to me than the 187389537 happy meals that she bought for me in pre-school (that I am still trying to work off at 23). I am sure that Tanszy was once a Timothy, it took a Paul in her life to encourage boldness to come to Guatemala for the first time. I am sure that Paul in her life was once a Timothy and on and on and on. Do you get it? It started with one person recognizing and fanning into flames God’s gifts in them. Their flames caught fire in someone else, which caught fire in someone else, which caught fire in someone else, and somewhere caught fire in Mrs. Tanszy. She found her God-given gift of creativity called 3 Tenango Trading which provides homes, food and opportunities to the people of Guatemala by purchasing good in the market here to sell in the States, bringing all the money back. That fire stirred up into what is now a wild-fire, burning in my heart, burning in hearts of the people she has brought on mission trips here for 10 years, burning in my dear friend and her son’s heart (Tanner), burning in our sweet friend, Chelsey’s heart and so many others. Tanner’s fire has fanned into a project the Lord lead him into using his gift of farming and knowledge of agriculture called Bare Hands. Bear Fruit. with the goal of spreading the Lord’s love through planting fruit trees and vegetable plants for individual families in Guatemala. Tanner's project has planted over 600 trees with the help of his first team from Kentucky who has been here all week. Somewhere between Georgia and Kentucky, someone started this fire. When Chelsey caught on fire, the Lord revealed a gift of photography and being behind the scenes. She got to Guatemala, and fanned her flame by taking pictures for Pur[SHOE]ing Boy, Bare Hands. Bear Fruit., orphanages, Campos de Suenos, and WAY too many to list. The girls talent is on FIRE. I have no doubt that her gift is going to catch flame in someone else through her photography (unless I reverse the camera roles).
That uncontainable fire in me through Tanszy has truly 
changed the course of my life, with continuing my burning desire of completing nursing school and started a fire called Pur[SHOE]ing Joy. Those things in me took a lot of Paul’s in my life to encourage boldness to get me where I am now with a spirit to encourage boldness as Paul did began in me. I confidently believe that after 7,000 pair of shoes donated, I think a few flames were spread there. I would be here all day telling you stories of how those shoes are changing lives spiritually and physically here in Guatemala. (Quick story that I cannot hold in: we had a little boy from the first Sole Train that we did not have on our master list of kids that needed shoes. We made quite a few exceptions but this particular one, I will never forget. He got shoes that day. Two days later, he came to Bible Study with his new shoes and his brother and sisters, they each asked Jesus into their hearts. Two days later, he brought his 9 cousins. Let me just say, because this one boy received shoes that day, he has now brought over 20 friends and family with him along with his mom and dad, whom we were able to 
give shoes at the Sole Train #2. I'd say that's a fire. We had our first Sole Train team a few weeks ago, I saw flames catching in that group, they have each gone back to their big deal jobs and have not stopped sharing their stories. It blew my mind that someone would love pur[SHOE]ing joy THAT MUCH. They are on fire. Are you lost yet? I want you to be overwhelmed just to show you JUST how BIG, VAST, DEEP, WIDE this fire is. Just wait, it gets BIGGER, MORE VAST, DEEPER, and WIDER…Three sweet girls I know will be here at the end of June, on fire and excited to play their unique and individual roles in God’s plan. These girls have followed me on my journey and have big desires to GO and DO LIKEWISE. The point here isn’t me or how many people I have gotten to Guatemala, it's Jesus, y’all. All Him. A fire that starts with Him can never die. I cannot say that enough. Katie, Phoebe and Hyatt- I cannot wait to watch y’alls fire go wild in your hearts and the world around you. Guatemala is ready for y’alls heat!

          Can I just make something clear, NONE of those things above would have happened if it weren't for Tanszy's "yes". Our roles are so precious, personalized, unique, well thought out. Only YOU can fill them. The important thing here is not numbers or the non-profits. The important thing here is the King of it all, where it all started, the spark, the one that gives us a daily reason to be bold, fearless and confident in our gifts that he chose for us. Find your “Paul” to encourage you. Find fans of your flame to fan your flame. Be bold. Be consistent in your time with the Lord. Say “yes”, not only will it change your life but it may cause someone else to say “yes” and change their life, too! I promise He will reveal your gifts and roles. Go out in boldness and use those gifts whether that is in your job, your neighborhood, your home, your church, or another country. Your gift was specifically designed for you, unlike any other created by the same God that created the universe. You have a role to play. Walk in it. Satan will pour buckets of water on the fire but he does not have enough water to tame a fire that started with the Lord. And just watch, His love through your role is going to catch flame and burn without ceasing throughout the world.
           Thank you for saying yes to Jesus, Mrs. Tanszy, for it changed my life. I wish I could retrace the map of this fire but I know without a doubt it began with no ordinary man named Jesus and THAT is enough.

Catch flame and go wild, world.
-SA

(Naturally, my latest jams fit just perfect and I am just not realizing it: “Start a Fire” by Unspoken, “Set a Fire” by Will Reagan and United Pursuit.)

Doers

A couple a sleeps ago, the night of October 25^th, 3013. I dreamed a dream unlike any other, a dream that had the potential to change my life. J. Wilson once said “A dreamer will not stop having that dream until it has been fulfilled.” What a valid statement. Y’all I knew the moment I met that family of 12 with close to nothing in their possession in the village of Magdalena that it was no average day in Guatemala. Everyday since has been a dream, the same dream, just sweeter and sweeter each day. Let me give you another one of my favorite quotes while I am at it. “The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.”- Sarah Ban Breathnach. Now let’s stop right there for a second. I think it’s possible to take a worldly approach on that quote but I choose to go in another direction with it. I know it FULL well that the Lord had EVERYTHING to do with that dream he gave me. As a Christian, it was my responsibility to first listen (so hard for me). Secondly, to commit to be a doer. Thirdly, accept that I could not do it without Him. We are called to be doers of the Word in James 1:22. If it is from the Lord, I can promise you right now, He wants you to be a doer of whatever He asks. I will speak from my experience since October 25^th that in order to be a doer, you have to daily submit yourself to Him. Let’s get one thing straight, there have been PLENTY of days that I have forgotten that or simply chosen otherwise. I could write a novel on the days when the Lord has stretched me so far which has required me to give Him more of me. That is ALL He wants from you, dreamers.

On November 11^th, 2013 (another dreamy day), after McKenzie (my sister) pushed me to DO, I shared the idea of Pur[SHOE]ing Joy with the world. OH GLORIOUS DAY. If you go back to that post, you’ll find a link to one of my jams, Oceans by Hillsong. As if the song isn’t good enough, at the beginning of the video, Joel Houston wisdom blows my mind. I typed: “God is always calling us further and deeper. Often, our prayer, our confession is ‘God I want you to take me deeper. I want to know more of you. I want to do more for you.’ We always want to do more for God like that is what He is after. God is not looking for us to do more for Him. He is actually just looking for more of us, more of our heart. And when He gets more of us, our attention, our affection, our heart, our trust, He is able to do more through us.” It gets me every time, y’all.

Many months, challenges, shoe drives, work, meetings, valleys, mountaintops, hard conversations, lessons learned, tears, encouraging words later, Jesus has more of me than He ever has. And yesterday, May 8^th, He put on a show through the Pur[SHOE]ing Joy team . We gave out 300 pairs of shoes. Here is the cool part, He is not finished with us. He wants more of us. In relation to J. Wilson’s words, yesterday was just another day of the same dream, we aren’t done dreaming our dream and doing our do, we know it is not fulfilled yet. He isn’t done with Pur[SHOE]ing Joy. We are now a non-profit and have no idea when He will decide that ‘it is fulfilled” but we are PUMPED. The Sole Train is going back to Santa Maria de Jesus on May 29^th but this time, WITH OUR FIRST OFFICIAL TEAM. Yepp. that’s right. Five young and hip couples are taking a week away from their big time jobs to come to Guatemala to Pur[SHOE] Joy. 

Not that I can really put yesterday into great enough words, I will try. Hmm lets see, THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE SO FAR. I felt like I met more of Jesus yesterday. It was wild. Of course, there was no sleep the night before. It monsooned outside at 4AM for about 2 hours and Satan was doing everything possible to get inside my head, telling me we were going to run out of shoes, and that the weather was going to ruin everything, we weren’t going to have enough volunteers etc. BUT get this, HOW BIG IS GOD>>>>>

So Nov. 11^th, y’all were reminded of what I learned that day, He doesn’t want my service, He just wants more of ME. Well yesterday morning, my devo read: “DON’T SERVE GOD. The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show his might in behalf of those whose heart is blameless toward him. (2 Chron. 16:9) God is not looking for assistants in the world. The Gospel is not a help wanted ad. Neither is the call to Christian service. God is not looking for people to work for Him.” I went on to read about how He rebuked Israel for bringing him so many sacrifices in Psalm 50:9-12. Everything in the world already belongs to him. He doesn’t need us to give him those things. Kept reading on, “BUT there is something that you can give him that will not belittle him to the status of beneficiary. Give Him more of you and your anxieties.” 1 Peter 5:7 is a command. He wants anything from us that shows our dependence and his all-sufficiency. Patients do not serve their physicians, do they? They just trust them. The Sermon on the Mount is our Doctor’s medical advice, not our Employer’s job description.  Let that soak in for a second. Workmen get no gifts. They get their due. God is the workman. He was the workman yesterday. He gets all the Glory of being the benefactor of Grace, not the beneficiary of service.

We planned as best as we knew how but of course, forgot things, important things. And guess what, He showed up and put on, y’all. As soon as I finished reading the above, Satan lost what little hope He had in getting a hold of me. A translator and volunteers came out of nowhere. The rain stopped. The kids showed up in multitudes. We have plenty of shoes left over. Someone provided lunch for us. Joy never left the room that day and when the day was done, the joy went out with every single child, volunteer, Ty and myself. I cannot get over it. We were able to give shoes to a child that had an infection on her big toe that had already eaten away half of it. Oh and did I mention that at the end, every. single. child. that had received shoes gave every. single. one. of us a hug? Yep!

This is ALL a dream and I never want it to end. I am in awe that I serve a God that is capable of making a dream, a reality. I am in awe that I am loved enough by a God who gave me the vision of Pur[SHOE]ing Joy.

God does not want our service. He just wants US. When we die to self, we then begin to seek a God that is bigger than self. Once we recognize who He is, we make ourselves available to Him. In His Word, we find the freedom to not only be dreamers of His plan, but doers too. As doer’s of His plan, He will have MORE of US than He ever has.

SO DO ON, DREAMER. It will change your life. It changed mine. Praying that He reveals your WILDEST DREAM that you didn’t even know was dreamable. It will stretch you, but I promise, with Him, it is DOABLE. 

Joyful dreams,

-SA

homeless

but I have a home. More than one. I have a home in McDonough, Georgia. I have a home at McDonough First Baptist Church. I have a home in the arms of my family, my friends. I have a home in Antigua, Guatemala. I have a home at Hermano Pedro Hospital. Yet, I still felt homeless…

December 13th, 2013, I walked in the house I have always called home, hugged the best mama, daddy, sister and brother in the world, walked into my room (still a mess) and jumped on my oh-so-comfy bed. Something was missing. I went to get some
Chick-fil-A, with the thought that clean, crushed ice I had been missing for 4 months would cure all. Nope. “I need to see my friends”. I had missed the ones that knew me best, friends that always made home, home. The ones that have encouraged me, prayed for me, loved on me and challenged me. Guess what, something was still missing, y’all. I went to Nashville to see all my college friends and cheer on the Rebs. Let me just tell you, I had a blast, the Rebs won but something was still missing. I thought it was Guatemala. Guatemala had become my home. “That’s it, Shel. You miss your Guaty fam. Your Guaty bed (hard as a rock). Your Guaty water filter. Your Guaty friends that you have done life with for 4 months. Your village. Your Guaty church home. Got it. Your new home.”

I could not find the words to explain my first few months in Guatemala, to anyone. I could not explain what I was feeling being “home”. I was overwhelmed by the attention that pur[SHOE]ing joy was receiving. Much to your surprise reader, the attention and praise terrified me. I knew I could not expect my family and friends to understand though. “Shelby, not everyone is called to do mission work in Antigua, Guatemala like you.” However, when the very ones that define “home” don’t understand you for once, it does not feel so much like home anymore. I was missing the ones that I loved and desperately wanted to see transformed by the love and salvation of Jesus Christ. I had lost access to the very people that I felt called to love on in Guatemala.

I felt homeless. Guilt knocked on my door, I let it in. “Shelby, you have the greatest family in the world. Your friends adore you. You are covered in love and encouragement. pur[SHOE]ing joy has more fans that you could ever imagine. You have more than 2,000 pair of shoes. You are home. You have clean water. You have a comfortable bed. You don’t have to worry about eating unclean food. You can drive. You have all these people that want to know every detail of your experience so far. You have a church home that supports you in big ways. You don’t have to think about how to say every word. Everything is in English. Your shower does more than just a trickle. You don’t have to hear dogs barking and fireworks constantly going off in the middle of the night. You don’t have to constantly worry about safety. How could you be so selfish to think something is missing?”

Once again, I had it all wrong. I was acting as if returning to Guatemala would be the cure-all until a morning pur[SHOE]ing joy meeting with my teammate Ty New. “Shelby, I know the Lord has us working for Guatemala but I think we are slowly realizing how much work is to be done here in the States.” That simple statement meant so much more for me. It stopped me in my tracks. No it did not erase the “homeless” feeling but it gave it a whole new meaning. Edward Sharpe sums it up well when he sings, “Home is wherever I’m with you.” Home is when I’m with with my Savior, Jesus Christ. Home is just a house unless I invite Jesus in. Just think about it, a church is just a building unless the Lord is present. My whole perspective changed. Home was no longer a place. Home was not McDonough, Georgia and home was not Guatemala. Home was not family or friends. Home was not a clean water or water from my Guaty filter. Home was not the kids at work who I love and adore. Home can be in ALL of those things if only I allow Jesus to be present. The Lord had me home in McDonough, Georgia to be built up, re-energized, loved on by my family, collect and pack shoes, for interviews, have qt with friends, to share my story regardless of who gets it. I found joy and hope in the fact that the Lord DOES understand this battle.

Friends, He hurts when you hurt. He is knocking at your door, are you going to invite Him in? Martha invited Him in (Luke 10:38-42). Home is wherever you are, with Him.

Before I go on let me clarify. My time back home great INCREDIBLE once I invited Him in. My family gave me unconditional love. My friends asked for every detail possible. pur[SHOE]ing joy became a 501c3, non-profit organization. We received more encouragement and support than we could ever imagine. We packed up over 2,000 pair of shoes. We had our first article published. My trip to Memphis and Nashville was so needed (Hotty Toddy)! I set up two of my best friends. Our high-school 5th year reunion was so successful. I applied to nursing school. So thank y’all, from the bottom of my heart. I am truly humbled.

Are you ready for a laugh? Well first, remember that blog post about me thinking that I have learned my lesson so I don’t think it needs to be taught again? I get to Guatemala, clearly still had an ounce of hope that I was returning “home” because I had missed everything about it. Wrong again, friends. Things have been so different this go-round. Not different in a bad way though. I have been busy applying to more nursing schools and trying to figure out how one is supposed to physically deliver an application in Atlanta, Georgia when I am in another world. Ty and I came for a week to film a pur[SHOE]ing joy video (coming soon and we are so pumped). Went back home for a few meetings. Back here to have the sweetest, Adria King come to visit. That week probably needs its own blog post. THAT GIRL. She gets it. She is young but so wise. This was my first time showing someone the life that I am living here and it was so fun to watch the Lord work though Adria. He taught her things while here that I hadn’t yet experience. Back home I went to turn in my final nursing application, take a nursing test, have another interview for pur[SHOE]ing joy, and go to MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING. What a cool experience to stand beside her and watch those two say “I do” in such a God-centered way. Can you say power couple. Did somebody yell “power-couple”? Back to my Guaty home to have my best, Mallory visit this time. Again, so cool to share this third-world life with her for a week. The girl contributed to the economy like no other, picked up her first duck and bonded with the village kids in ways I had never seen. I am here to stay for quite a while and I love it. Remember when I first got here, I mentioned that I googled Christians in Antigua? Yeah, well, He keeps showing off because I now have a weekly Bible Study with incredible girls, all from America. Funny how he works, right? He is so faithful, y’all! Oh but wait, while Mal was here, I learned that some of my kids at the hospital have Hepatitis so they are quarantined for 40 days. 40 days without work and my precious kids. And don’t think I didn’t try to think of ways to sneak in, thinking I am invincible and won’t get sick. I may or may not have gone to work to beg them to let me come in. It is killing me but then He reminds me “Hermano Pedro Hospital is not your home, Shel. Home is where I am, and that is not where we are right now.” Of course, His timing is unlike another and the shoes will be here any day now. Things are picking up which means pur[SHOE]ing joy needs more of my time and energy. I cannot wait for y’all to see all this is coming for pur[SHOE]ing joy.

Sorry for the all-over-the-place-organized-chaos but I guess y’all are used to it from me by now. Thanks for reading, loving, encouraging, supporting, praying, and giving. I promise I am back to blogging now.

[Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. Rev. 3:20] 

Your King is knocking. He wants in. He wants to make your house a home. You better run! We will never be homeless, friends! Now THAT is something to celebrate! 

Joy because I have a home,
Shel

Run your race, child!

    As I sit here in the airport wearing my summer sandals (clearly having no idea how cold home is about to be) and the typical dress of a local Guatemalan woman (duh), I cannot help but notice this indescribable feeling, one that I have never experienced before.
    I know it is just beginning but I cannot help but reflect on the past 3 months. They have been the most challenging yet the most fulfilling. Y’all, I NEVER KNEW just how good it feels to be RIGHT where the Lord wants you. Honestly, I thought that it was a never-ending search but Lord, how wrong was I? Last night, I was laying in bed (wide-eyed of course) reading back in my journal. March 15th, written in my left-handed, kindergarten handwriting, “on the plane home from Guatemala, Jesus can I go please?” It just reiterated just how deep and wide His love really is. He cares for us, y’all. He wants to give us our hearts greatest desire. I say these things not to boast but to give you that much more proof, if you let Him, He will, I promise.
    For the past couple of weeks I have developed this fear of going home. Weird I know, but let me explain. Maybe fear is not the word but I don’t know another one that fits. I am more than excited for clean water, good food that doesn’t make me sick, a good community, my best friends, crawling in Mama and Daddy’s bed every morning, Kenz, P and T, my church, speaking English, I could go on. So why fear? Let me be cliche and cheesy for a second, I have never been this happy before in my life. But y’all, I AM CONVINCED that it is because I have been placed in a situation where I have no option but to run to the Lord for EVERYTHING, absolutely everything. I have found that there is no greater joy than the joy found in His will. Because of these things, the fear comes in because I do not want to return to the selfish, small-minded, blind Christian that I was before. I know that I serve the same God in the States that I do here but the truth is, I have found Him in a whole new way here and I do not want that flame to die. I fear having to answer the “how is Guatemala, do you love it, tell me everything” kinda questions. While I wish more than anything I could explain it, that issue of not finding BIG enough words will come, I just know it. However, I will try my best. I fear that I have not done anything here, I have not made a difference. I fear the transition, even if it is just 3 weeks. Going from this place, to home is gunna be weird. I fear that I will lose my Spanish. I have never loved a place, a challenge, a group of people as much as I do here in Guatemala. I loved Ole Miss but I always wanted to come home when it was getting close to a break. Y’all KNOW I loved South Africa but I was ready to come home. Does it scare you as much as it does me when I say that I don’t have that feeling right now? Mama, Daddy, Kenz, P and T, fam and friends, do not worry, I am going some where with this. I spent a lot of time last week just asking the Lord to explain these fears to me or to give me a desire and a need to go home. Ask and you shall receive, child.
    This past week was one of the tougher ones. 1. I had to say goodbye to my hospital family and patients. We has a child returned to us with a broken femur after being dropped. That brought back the worries of all the other kids being home with their families for Christmas. 2. Leslie, a dear friend and college roommate went to be with Jesus. Losing someone my own age was something that I had not experienced before. Being away from home was the hardest. I wanted to be home more than ever, with my friends to share the hurt with. I craved the comfort that only your mom and dad can provide. I was so busy at work and in the villages that I really could not process what had happened. Though it was not in the way I would have picked, He gave me a desire, a need to go home. When I finally got the chance to “be still” this week, 2 Timothy 4:7 came to mind. I know this one by heart, y’all. It was my grandfather, Deda’s life verse. I cling to it more often than not. But for some reason this time, I opened my Bible to read it.

    “As for you, always be ready, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all those who have loved His appearing.” 
                                                                                                                                          2 Tim. 4:5-8

Here the Apostle Paul is writing to Timothy, basically passing him the torch to follow in his footsteps because Paul was soon going to die. Timothy was to fulfill the most significant work on earth. We too, as Christians should be doing the most significant work on earth, advancing His Kingdom. No, I am not about to die, not that I know of at least but I am leaving here for a second. “Be steady” reminded me to be consistent, whether I am at home in Guatemala or home in McDonough. “Fulfill your ministry”- I have to go home to fulfill pur[SHOE]ing joy. “Poured out like a drink offering” - no, I have not been physically sacrificed but it hit me JUST HOW EXHAUSTED I am. For someone who hates resting, I knew that I needed rest after these 3 months of going and doing. I have done my best to pour out everything I have to be the hands and feet of Jesus but the Lord reminded me of the sweetness of going home and getting poured into. He gave me a desire, a need to go home. “The time of my departure has come”- again, he is referring to going home to be with Jesus but I could not help but take it as “Shelby, the time of your departure has come, (for now)”. Where Satan is telling me the opposite, the Lord is giving me Deda’s life verse to give me confidence that I have finished this part of the course (of 3 months), although I have failed at times, I still have the faith and have fought the good fight. I have done so because of Him, the strength that He has provided, though. As Christians, obviously the end of our race is when we get to meet Jesus. My prayer is that I continue to run my race not to get through life, not to get praise, but to fulfill my ministry, finish the ULTIMATE race and receive the prize of glory that He promises. The last part of the verse, I took as a challenge to go home, get re-energized in the comfort of my home, family and friends so that I can come back ready to go again. Not that I am working for a crown, but that I am working for the King that gives us a crown anyway. He gave me a need for energy, another desire to go home. I also found in my journal “I am thankful that the Lord provides resting places as well as working places. Rest, then and be thankful when He brings you to a wearied wayside well.” And as if that was not enough, I got up this morning to watch one last sunrise and to read my devo, ironically I was a day behind, so this morning I read December 12th. Just LOOK. That’s our King, y’all!

Told y’all not to worry. I am sad to leave but this Guatemalan chica is READY and ANXIOUS to get home. He has given me more desires and needs than fears to go home. When we let fear take over, we leave no room for the Father. I am thankful. Overjoyed. Pumped. My heart is so full. Thank y’all, for loving me these past 3 months and continuing to love me. Thank for encouraging me and challenging me. Thank you pur[SHOE]ing joy. Be ready for lots of Guatemala cheek kisses.

It feels like Christmas morning already!

oh so joyous,
-SA

GLOBETROTTER

Literally. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Emotionally. And the chaos of this post will be prove that. This is one of those "it makes sense to me but it probably doesn't to anyone else" kinda post so bear with me.

Last week, I had a meeting about pur[SHOE]ing joy with a local Guatemalan business man that left me feeling overwhelmed and little. His intentions were not to do that, he is just that really REAL person if you will. The kind that tells it like it is, always, even if it is always negative. The kind of person that everyone needs a small dose of. He knew a lot but I could tell he didn't comprehend just HOW BIG the Lord has already taken this movement. Tempted to ask the Lord why that meeting was necessary, I knew it was a test to see how serious I was about the race He has marked out for me, if I was willing to persevere and pur[SHOE] joy in the hardest moments. But let me tell you, it was not an easy test for me. We all know that Satan loves those moments of weakness most. I let Satan get a hold of my mind and take it around the world a few times. Every road sign said "Shelby, you are crazy, pur[SHOE]ing joy is never going to make it. Just give it up." The Lord is faithful and brought me back home to Him with a sweet reminder, "You are doing a great work and you cannot come down." (Neh. 6:3) Praise the Lord for Isaiah 41:13. I am thankful that He never lets go of my right hand, no matter how far away I travel, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Literally and physically, a globetrotter. Remember that time I googled "Christians in Antigua, Guatemala"? I can only laugh at myself because He has provided more friends than Google ever could. My precious friend Katy planned a trip for my birthday. Let me rephrase that. My precious friend Katy planned a trip to BELIZE for my birthday. After a 12 hours bus ride through the night, another 6 hours bus ride and an hour and 1/2 boat ride, we finally made it to Caye Caulker. This island is all of a mile long with streets made of sand, lots of dreadlocks and fruit juices. Spending Thanksgiving day on an island was quite the experience. As much as I wanted to be wrapped up, enjoying an Ausband turkey, drinking hot apple cyder at the Christmas tree farm with my fam, it was a good alternative. If you want to learn to be thankful for the sweetness of home, go away for a holiday. You will learn thankfulness. Be ready to answer the question from other globetrotters, "What is thanksgiving?". I am thankful for Guatemala, the opportunity to be here. I am thankful for a weekend vacation in Belize. I am thankful for Katy. I never thought I would find so much joy in a foreign friendship and I SURELY never thought I would find friends that plan a trip to another country for my birthday. We got home from what seemed like a walk from Georgia to California at 5 am Monday morning. Struggling to get up for work, I did anyway and as if we hadn't already celebrated, two co-workers took me out to lunch, cake and coffee and then some friends took me to dinner. I never thought it was possible to feel so loved by new friends here on top of all the love from across the world, from y'all. Y'all made the unfamiliar feeling of being so far away seem so normal and so fun. Thank YOU!

Pur[SHOE]ing joy is becoming quite a globetrotter, I must say. We are adding drop-off locations in more areas all while receiving emails from people wanting to host a drop-off location. When I say a globetrotter, I am not just talking around McDonough (original dream), I am talking all throughout Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, North Carolina, New York and more. I will say it again and it will not be the last, NEVER IN MY WILDEST DREAMS DID I SEE THIS COMING. However, with growth comes the nitty-gritty necessary details, tons of emails, asking more favors, needing more helping hands, paperwork, financial needs, lots of prayer, meetings with Guatemalan customs brokers etc. And with all of those things, I have been organized chaos myself (no surprise there, right?). While all of these things have me so excited, too they have me scared and overwhelmed. This IS my first rodeo. I am learning how crucial it is to daily submit ourselves to the Lord. I cannot tell you how many times a day I find myself trying to take hold of pur[SHOE]ing joy so in that, I am learning to keep open palms, facing upward and say "take the world and give me Jesus". When I started typing this post this morning, between finding cancer in a 15-year old boy this morning at work and customs issues with shoes, I was having a hard day. But just as I start believing Satan's lies, I received a text at 3:51 this afternoon to find out that one more detail had been worked out. God's faithfulness has me in awe.

I was not kidding when I said I have been all over the globe emotionally, spiritually, mentally, literally, and physically, in every possible way. A globetrotter is one that travels widely. I am thankful that no matter how far I travel, the Lord has a grip on me. I am away from home, in a 3rd world and I feel Him more than ever. I have let Satan into my thoughts one too many times, but the Lord just clings tighter. I have questioned the Lord's purpose for me here and He says "just be still and know". I have let my emotions take over, cried and wanted to give up but He tells me to run the race with perseverance. That is the beauty of His never-ending Grace. He loves us even though we are prone to wander and wonder.

While grace is always there, I cannot take advantage of it. I am learning how little my trust is in a God that is bigger than I will ever be. I am learning that there is a good way to travel and a bad way to travel. Travel forward all you want. Travel the world. (Hint hint: come to Guatemala.) But the second we begin to travel with our eyes not on the Father is the second we are traveling no where good. When we lose sight of the Creator, we cannot appreciate creation.

"Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means."

2 Corinthians 8:11

travel well,

-SA

AGRIDULCE...

in Spanish or "bittersweet" in English. And do not be too impressed, I am not THAT fluent yet. I looked it up on Monday when I realized that it was going to be that kinda week. However, for every bitter feeling, the Lord has been sure to provide a sweet one. 

Monday, we started with a full, loud, chaotic hospital as always and slowly things are getting a little more calm and quiet. A lot of the kids are starting to leave for 8 weeks to be with their families for the holidays. Praise the Lord, right? Yes. That was my first thought but the attached, protective part of my heart freaks out at this. For a few reasons. Like I said before, the kids are left with us by their parents, sent to us or just abandoned and found. Because the kids are severely handicapped and ill, it is a lot of stress on the average family and even more stress when they do not have the funds to keep the child alive. So for that reason, I am thankful that we are able to take care of them at the hospital but it is a bitter feeling knowing that they will go back in that environment that they were once removed from. All the while, it is a sweet feeling knowing that they get to be with their families for Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. And then you have the abandoned children, that have been abused by their own family but shows up to take them home for 8 weeks. There is nothin' sweet about it. But then you still have those precious children left behind that their families just don't come to get them. It has been a constant thought for me this week, in fact, quite a consuming thought to be honest. While I love that the children get to be with their families, I worry about the conditions they are going into for 8 weeks and the lack of care and attention that they will receive. While I feel so bad for the children that do not have parents come to get them, I love knowing that they are better taken care of in the hospital than they would be at home. It is simply agridulce. I could play this back and forth game all day but what a waste of time. I have had to seek God's promise about His children and I have found so many. He is a father to them, they are His sons and daughters (2 Cor. 6:18); if I just come to him, weary and laden, He will provide rest (Matt. 11:28); I have to continue to pray for these children (1 Sam. 1:27); the children AND their parents are fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well (Psalm 139:14). They just keep going so in those I will choose to find that "sweet" feeling of comfort, knowing that the Lord's provision for these children goes unmatched. Please join me in praying for both the kids with their families and the kids left in the hospital for the next 8 weeks!

So Tuesday was a day full of "firsts". I experienced something for the first time since in Guatemala. Well actually, for the first time ever. When we think of "first" we think things like a babies first step or first day of college or first day in the real world, right? Those things are all worth celebrating! I can only imagine, to the mother of that child, those things too, bring an "agridulce" feeling. Am I right, mothers? Tuesday, I walked into the hospital, kissed the kiddos only to realize one was missing. "Jonathan passed away early this morning." said Lesley. As a wanna-be nurse, I know the importance of not getting "attached" to the patients however, I have found that task quite difficult with these special ones. In order to hold it together, at least until I got home, I had to remind myself of the story of Job, the fact that the Lord gives and takes away but either way, we must still say "praise the Lord". Where Americans take days to prepare for a funeral, the Guatemalans take about 5 hours before it is all done, burial and all. At 10 AM Tuesday morning, I found myself walking in my first Guatemalan funeral behind a hearse carrying Jonathan's body (my first patient to pass away). Let me just say, funerals and burials are VERY different here. The reason I say these are "first" is because I hadn't had to deal with a feeling even similar to this until that moment. It is something that you can't plan or prepare for. Where is the "sweet" to this "bitter" feeling? Nothing is easy about it but I find an overwhelming "sweet" feeling knowing that Jonathan is in Heaven. I wasn't the only one that had "firsts" yesterday. He is talking for the first time. He is walking for the first time. He is breathing easy for the first time. He is dancing for the first time. He is doing things on his own for the first time. Jonathan is doing these things for the FIRST time in His life, y'all. Now there is NOTHING bitter in that; in fact, there is SO much to be celebrated there! I am thankful for Jonathan's day of "firsts" in Heaven yesterday. 

Let's go back to Monday for a second. We had four colonoscopies planned for the morning. During the first one, the Guatemalan nurse handed me the tray holding the utensils to give the patient her IV before the procedure. (Note: at this point, I have only given medicine through the port, not actually given the IV.) For some reason, I just felt like that was a little more serious considering it involved a vein and needles. More than that, I have never had any sort of training in that area. So, Shelby had to let go of her daring side and say "no", only for the patient's good, of course! I was bummed. Almost stomped my feet, actually. I let Satan use that to tell me I am dumb and shame on me for not going straight to nursing school, blah blah blah. You know how he works. Shelby was not gunna let Satan win this one. I ran home with plans to study Spanish for two hours but ended up watching Youtube videos on "how to give an IV". I know you ALL want me to be your nurse, right? NOT! Later that night, I was Face-timing my incredible soon-to-be doctor friend, Philip. He said "Shel, you are in Guatemala. The next time we talk, you better have given your first IV." I said "Yes sir", hung up and started freaking out. Well today, I gave my first IV. Dr. T (Guate doc) and Nurse C (Guate nurse) MADE me do it. I am sure it was quite a BITTER feeling for the lucky patient but such a SWEET feeling for my wanna-be self. And for all you worriers, I got blood on the first try and the patient survived! I am thankful to this challenge of "firsts". If anyone wants to be my first U.S. patient, just call my dad, I am sure he will be trilled and schedule you right up. 

 
Everyday has been a "first" kinda day for pur[SHOE]ing joy. We get calls/text/emails daily with new people wanting to donate and get involved. I am still overwhelmed in the best kinda way. I still find myself just laughing out of pure amazement in how the Lord has taken this to a whole new level. Because this is ALL a "first' for me, it is hard. I have to submit every thought, idea and decision to the Lord because let's be honest, if I was making the decisions, we would be pur[SHOE]ing nothing because I would have messed things up on the first day. 



 



Just a few "first" that I can share: Our first set of flyers are being printed. We have new sponsors. We officially declared our first village to pur[SHOE] on Friday, Santa Maria de Jesus! Our first school, Campbell High School filled a car with shoes. Our first public location is being placed today, THURSDAY at First Baptist Church of McDonough at 101 Macon Street. Our first sorority, Zeta of Georgia Southern is pur[SHOE]ing joy right now. We have so many more "first" to come and so many more locations to release! Stay tuned. Be the "first" to place your shoes in a bin! 

Even in your "firsts", find more sweetness than you do bitterness.

There is joy there, I promise.

-SA