Monday, we started with a full, loud, chaotic hospital as always and slowly things are getting a little more calm and quiet. A lot of the kids are starting to leave for 8 weeks to be with their families for the holidays. Praise the Lord, right? Yes. That was my first thought but the attached, protective part of my heart freaks out at this. For a few reasons. Like I said before, the kids are left with us by their parents, sent to us or just abandoned and found. Because the kids are severely handicapped and ill, it is a lot of stress on the average family and even more stress when they do not have the funds to keep the child alive. So for that reason, I am thankful that we are able to take care of them at the hospital but it is a bitter feeling knowing that they will go back in that environment that they were once removed from. All the while, it is a sweet feeling knowing that they get to be with their families for Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year. And then you have the abandoned children, that have been abused by their own family but shows up to take them home for 8 weeks. There is nothin' sweet about it. But then you still have those precious children left behind that their families just don't come to get them. It has been a constant thought for me this week, in fact, quite a consuming thought to be honest. While I love that the children get to be with their families, I worry about the conditions they are going into for 8 weeks and the lack of care and attention that they will receive. While I feel so bad for the children that do not have parents come to get them, I love knowing that they are better taken care of in the hospital than they would be at home. It is simply agridulce. I could play this back and forth game all day but what a waste of time. I have had to seek God's promise about His children and I have found so many. He is a father to them, they are His sons and daughters (2 Cor. 6:18); if I just come to him, weary and laden, He will provide rest (Matt. 11:28); I have to continue to pray for these children (1 Sam. 1:27); the children AND their parents are fearfully and wonderfully made, I know that full well (Psalm 139:14). They just keep going so in those I will choose to find that "sweet" feeling of comfort, knowing that the Lord's provision for these children goes unmatched. Please join me in praying for both the kids with their families and the kids left in the hospital for the next 8 weeks!
So Tuesday was a day full of "firsts". I experienced something for the first time since in Guatemala. Well actually, for the first time ever. When we think of "first" we think things like a babies first step or first day of college or first day in the real world, right? Those things are all worth celebrating! I can only imagine, to the mother of that child, those things too, bring an "agridulce" feeling. Am I right, mothers? Tuesday, I walked into the hospital, kissed the kiddos only to realize one was missing. "Jonathan passed away early this morning." said Lesley. As a wanna-be nurse, I know the importance of not getting "attached" to the patients however, I have found that task quite difficult with these special ones. In order to hold it together, at least until I got home, I had to remind myself of the story of Job, the fact that the Lord gives and takes away but either way, we must still say "praise the Lord". Where Americans take days to prepare for a funeral, the Guatemalans take about 5 hours before it is all done, burial and all. At 10 AM Tuesday morning, I found myself walking in my first Guatemalan funeral behind a hearse carrying Jonathan's body (my first patient to pass away). Let me just say, funerals and burials are VERY different here. The reason I say these are "first" is because I hadn't had to deal with a feeling even similar to this until that moment. It is something that you can't plan or prepare for. Where is the "sweet" to this "bitter" feeling? Nothing is easy about it but I find an overwhelming "sweet" feeling knowing that Jonathan is in Heaven. I wasn't the only one that had "firsts" yesterday. He is talking for the first time. He is walking for the first time. He is breathing easy for the first time. He is dancing for the first time. He is doing things on his own for the first time. Jonathan is doing these things for the FIRST time in His life, y'all. Now there is NOTHING bitter in that; in fact, there is SO much to be celebrated there! I am thankful for Jonathan's day of "firsts" in Heaven yesterday. 
Let's go back to Monday for a second. We had four colonoscopies planned for the morning. During the first one, the Guatemalan nurse handed me the tray holding the utensils to give the patient her IV before the procedure. (Note: at this point, I have only given medicine through the port, not actually given the IV.) For some reason, I just felt like that was a little more serious considering it involved a vein and needles. More than that, I have never had any sort of training in that area. So, Shelby had to let go of her daring side and say "no", only for the patient's good, of course! I was bummed. Almost stomped my feet, actually. I let Satan use that to tell me I am dumb and shame on me for not going straight to nursing school, blah blah blah. You know how he works. Shelby was not gunna let Satan win this one. I ran home with plans to study Spanish for two hours but ended up watching Youtube videos on "how to give an IV". I know you ALL want me to be your nurse, right? NOT! Later that night, I was Face-timing my incredible soon-to-be doctor friend, Philip. He said "Shel, you are in Guatemala. The next time we talk, you better have given your first IV." I said "Yes sir", hung up and started freaking out. Well today, I gave my first IV. Dr. T (Guate doc) and Nurse C (Guate nurse) MADE me do it. I am sure it was quite a BITTER feeling for the 
Everyday has been a "first" kinda day for pur[SHOE]ing joy. We get calls/text/emails daily with new people wanting to donate and get involved. I am still overwhelmed in the best kinda way. I still find myself just laughing out of pure amazement in how the Lord has taken this to a whole new level. Because this is ALL a "first' for me, it is hard. I have to submit every thought, idea and decision to the Lord because let's be honest, if I was making the decisions, we would be pur[SHOE]ing nothing because I would have messed things up on the first day.
Just a few "first" that I can share: Our first set of flyers are being printed. We have new sponsors. We officially declared our first village to pur[SHOE] on Friday, Santa Maria de Jesus! Our first school, Campbell High School filled a car with shoes. Our first public location is being placed today, THURSDAY at First Baptist Church of McDonough at 101 Macon Street. Our first sorority, Zeta of Georgia Southern is pur[SHOE]ing joy right now. We have so many more "first" to come and so many more locations to release! Stay tuned. Be the "first" to place your shoes in a bin!
Even in your "firsts", find more sweetness than you do bitterness.
There is joy there, I promise.
-SA 
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