Take heart

A while back, a family from Ohio moved to a near village to start a home for special needs kids. They have five biological children, five adopted children and five special needs kids from here that they have taken in. They have an incredible ministry. Talk about a power couple! One of their biological children, Carissa comes to the hospital once a week on her day off from helping at their home. Last week when we were getting to know each other, she learned that I graduated with a Dietetics and Nutrition major in college. I have never given my major much considering besides knowing it would help with nursing school in the future. But here, they think it is the greatest thing on earth considering the amount of malnourished people in this country. I was oblivious to the fact that He was leading me down a path where I would use my major on a daily basis. Carissa emailed me the next day asking if I would come look at their latest 5-month old addition as she was severely malnourished. I said yes but really hesitant because I felt like I had forgotten everything I learned in college. I immediately opened my old textbooks to prepare for Wednesday. Thankfully, the knowledge hadn't escaped me as much as I thought. However, I was still asking myself "What in the world is this family doing asking ME for a nutrition opinion, I am not equipped to do this am I?" Finally I just let it go and told myself that it was a malnourished child, it is a fixable problem. Carissa came into town early Wednesday morning to pick me up. After about a 30 minute ride to their village, we arrived at their home to the organized chaos of too many kids to count. The mom started sharing about their home, their ministry and how the Lord has graciously provided for them. Then I met Esperanza...

When I say I have never in my life, I have NEVER in my life seen what I saw that day. Who knows how far my jaw dropped but I quickly had to pull it together. I had to be the strong one. You cannot break down in those moments. So I started asking questions while panicking on the inside. 

Esperanza (which means hope) is a 5 month old baby girl from Guatemala. When she was born, they believe that her biological mother threw her in the trashcan. Her insides are completely flipped from ours. Esperanza was born with Kleeblatt Schadel Syndrome. The family said there are very few recorded cases like Esperanza's. To sum it up, it is a premature closure of the sutures in the skull. Her skull bones fused together too soon, leaving no space for the brain to grow except in the temporal regions. A clover leaf is the exact distinct shape of her head. I found that no picture on Google is as severe as Esperanza's case. Are y'all wondering what in the world I have gotten myself into at this point? Yeah, me too. Esperanza has gained one pound since the family took her in, making her a total of EIGHT pounds. (At her age, she should have doubled in weight but at this point, you cannot compare her to a normal child.) I immediately said, praise the Lord! The mother quickly said, "yes, but we think the entire pound is in her head, not her body." I cannot describe how frail her little body is. "God what in the world are you doing? I have no clue what to do, no doctor even knows of this and I am not even close to a doctor." I had no choice y'all. I had to share what little knowledge I had and hope that it helps. So I did. I felt completely defeated but the sweet mother was so thankful for what little I had to offer. I spent the rest of the day holding Esperanza, feeding her the few ounces that she would eat. The only thing I knew to do was cry out for help. For strength. For courage. For Esperanza. I prayed the entire time I was holding her. Instead of saying why God like I wanted to, I just started humming, "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world." Esperanza is BEAUTIFUL in HIS sight and mine. You would be so surprised at the large personality that she holds despite all that she is fighting!

After a while, the mom and I started talking. She said one day she wants to contact every doctor she knows and beg them to give her surgery, and spend thousands on medicine and medical attention knowing that Esperanza will never live a life close to normal or comfortable. Then the next day, she feels like the Lord is going to take her any day so they just need to hug her to Heaven and keep her comfortable until then, being thankful for the time they do have with her. The more I sat there, the more this became the exact battle in my head. I still don't know. I still don't have the answer. I was so frustrated but knew I could not show those emotions to a mom that knows that battle far better than I ever will. After the longest four hours of my life, Carissa dropped me off at home. I still couldn't believe what I had just left. I got in my house, sat on the couch thinking I was fine one minute and broke down the next. I lost all control. Tears flowing like crazy. I didn't want to call anyone because I didn't want to show anyone the picture. I did not want them to have to see it to be honest. I knew that no one would know what to say or how to help. I just sat there and cried for about an hour when Kenzie FaceTimed me. I explained it the best I could. The only thing we knew to do was pray for Esperanza and her new family. We both cried. We asked God why. Neither of us understood. I don't know that we ever will but what I do know is that His reasoning is too big for my little brain to understand. While I know that the Lord is FULLY capable of performing a miracle for little Esperanza, I also know that He is FULLY capable of bringing her home to be with Him. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon in tears until Mrs. Glynis called asking me to come to their house for dinner. I did not want to move the rest of the night. Kenz told me I needed to get out of the house and she knows best so I did. The Lord knew what He was doing when He introduced us just the day before. We drank sweet tea from Georgia Bulldawg cups and enjoyed southern cookin' and hearing southern accents. 

I so wish I could share a full picture of sweet Esperanza but the family has asked that I not, which I respect. Even though you cannot exactly picture her, know that she needs your prayers. I have no doubt that the Lord has a plan for Esperanza. I have no doubt that Esperanza changed my life and that even her story will change yours. I cannot describe how hard it was knowing I couldn't take her pain away or how hard it was telling her new family that there was nothing else I could do. At times, I feel like I let them down but I am clinging the One that knows the answers, the One who made her and the One that knows what He is doing with her. Let's lift up Esperanza and her precious family! 

"Rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer."-Romans 12:12 

I rejoice in "hope", I rejoice in Esperanza. I rejoice in the fact that He died to give Esperanza the most perfect life one day in Heaven. I rejoice in the fact that I get to spend eternity with Esperanza one day. I will persevere through this because of these promises. Will you rejoice with me? Let's preserve and be devoted to praying for sweet Esperanza. 

"Consider is ALL JOY, my brethren, when you encounter various trials."- James 1:2

As hard as it is to find joy through this, it is a must. The second that we lose sight of the Creator is the second that we lose joy. 

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you may have tribulations, but take heart; I have overcome the world."- John 16:33 

Friends, let's take heart in the fact that when He overcame the world, He overcame our biggest sins, our biggest sickness, and our biggest trials. This means that He even overcame cloverleaf syndrome. He overcame every bit of Esperanza's pain. Because of these things, let's have peace.

Joy because He overcame,

SA